Unplugged : Day 0

The sun desperately tried to feel relevant as the cold November winds crept in. Beautiful rays of its futile attempt graced the concrete pavement which colored the weeds that defiantly grew among the stone slabs, gold. The golden ray filtered through leaves, seem to create a mosaic that danced almost animatedly. It seem to cling to the people that unnoticeable walked by, as if to draw their attention. Like a neglected wife trying in vain to be relevant in a dying marriage.

The cold wind put up a better fight though, as people pulled their jackets and coats closer and buttoned up. Yet none seem to pay much attention to the beauty and the conversation nature is trying to have.

My phone chimed to a alert from an app. I desperately wanted to look, but nature had found out that i was paying attention. She quickly seized the opportunity to make quick, clear and concise statements to further my interest. First i noticed the morbid faces on the passer-byes. Something else preoccupied them. They had no time to smell flowers or be conscious of their surroundings.

People are beautiful. Seriously. I never noticed this til this afternoon. We seem to fit nature almost perfectly. The men walked boldly, with their chest out and the women gracefully pranced by. (LOL). I was intrigued. Why am I now noticing this? All around me, heads were bowed almost forcefully by their devices. Like a slave in the presence of a master, their heads were bowed and stuck in complete submission and attentiveness to what ever the device captivated them in.

Even people who could be connecting, were sitting together and yet still found a way not to present even when they were there physically. All thanks to the phone.

The disconnect, was crystal clear. We are lost. Lost in this virtual world and totally disconnected from the one that matters. Like the 'matrix', we are plugged in an alternate reality while the real world just passes us by. So much is lost in life. We are reading social media statuses when we can just look up and the persons face will tell a better story. This disconnect greatly sadden me, as i sat there on the bench in deep thought. What else have I missed all these years? I started using a phone when I was 19. The longest period i went without it was during boot camp training in the Army. 8 weeks to be precise. During that period I made life long friends. I felt alive and in tune. Now that I think of it, I was HAPPY.
As if to say yes my darling, "i need you", the winds picked up, cutting deep into my clothing. People began moving in search of the warm embrace of some sort of a heated shelter, It didn't bother me. I was in a full blown conversation with nature, and her kiss was subtle and loving.

It is time to be unplugged. I am on a one month journey to turn my phone off without notice. This experiment is personal, social and mental. I will do my best to record my findings, though these are in no way, shape or form scientific, just intuition and observations that can't really be measured, but felt. And its about time we feel more and think a little less. And so I begin my journey to be unplugged for a month.

Innovation of Loneliness: Please watch

Too Early To Think‏ End of part one

I awake to a pinch and an uncomfortable feeling, I picked my head up and quickly wrestled my pillow into submission. I reach under my pillow and felt for my phone. The luminesce cut through the darkness unforgivingly, and forced me to quint to read the time. 4:12am it read. With a press of a button, the light died and I retreated into the darkness from which I came. I tried to close my eyes, hopefully slip back into temporal coma for a couple of hours, but insomnia vetoed the decision. Something was making me uncomfortable. I kicked and rolled but the discomfort held on like talons in a prey. I laid supine, staring at the ceiling, almost as if I could see through the concrete and wood into the stars. Although this particular night there will be no stars because of the rain.

It was time to face my demons head on. Why was I so uncomfortable? Immediately a thought I was brooding over last night came to mind, almost as if to say, “we have unfinished business”. I must warn you, the could be very distasteful to some, so read with caution, because in my head I spare nothing to censorship. Let me gentle lead you into this by introducing you to the origin of that thought. As always, the human mind is incapable of creating anything out of thin air (a theory I strongly support, for we fashion everything out of what is already in existence), and so did my thought. I close friend of mine just lost her grandfather, which I found out in the afternoon. Funny enough the day before I was reminiscing some of the conversation I had with my great-grandmother. When I got the news of her loss, really, I didn’t give more thought than saying under my breath “this sucks”, and I moved on. Now I’m sure most people do the same. Really you can be bother by this loss. One he’s not my relative, so that my primary detachment. Secondly, his death has no direct consequences to me, secondly detachment factor. So I justify myself for the lack of empathy until I called her.

Now, there something about human beings which astonishes me, yet prevails almost equivocally. I guess it can be attribute to evolution, or God given nature (which I doubt, if we are made in the image and liking of God like the Good Book says). When one person dies, it’s a tragedy. When a large number dies, it’s a sad event but we treat it like collateral damage. Let me illustrate with an example. Recently a doc tor in Utah killed his wife and almost all the news stations covered it extensively. When people in the mall in Kenya were attacked and killed, some nations identified their own and mentioned them by name and mourned for them. Collectively, all the victims could not be mourned. Why is that? Is one life worth more than many. This doesn’t make sense. Again one death is a tragedy, many is collateral damage drive on.

Now is this lack of empathy for the mass death borne out of depravity? I submit to you, not. I mean how  would we? We are only human. Imagine if every human being felt the same sadness as those who are affected by a loss/death, also consider that an average 107 lives are lost every minute. Now ponder that for a minute. Do you now agree why our capacity to grieve/show empathy has been greatly limited to close proximity? I’d say evolutionally not a God-like attribute or resemblance. For God sees everything, knows everything and is concerned about everybody. If this is true, then God spared us the trouble and we weren’t made (at least not 100%) in the image of God. I know what you are thinking, heresy. Again I spare nothing to censorship.  Back to my friend, when I called her, the atmosphere she presented was unmistakably sorrow drenched. Her voice shook, spirit was down and  immediate I was connected to her loss. My ‘one person at a time’ capacity was available to lend the space. As predictable as I was, I didn’t stay long with her. I had been there done that, I couldn’t stand the sadness. Not because I don’t like awkward situations when people are sad, (which I don’t) or I demean her loss as none essential, but inwardly my dials are broken. I’ll explain. This is why I couldn’t sleep. This is why I am so far removed from emotion. It’s either I elicit a full measure of any emotion or I don’t at all. So most people see me as stoic. This I believe is just one of the symptoms of a broken dial.

 End of part One

The lack there of

It is often said, poor people are the most generous, or ugly girls are the most pleasant and well mannered. Two schools of thoughts on this.
One is, people make up for what they lack. Something to balance the insecurities. So poor people give in order to receive and ugly girls are only nice because it hard to get attention anyway, so why be arrogant? It seems to me people in this school believe the worst in people.
Second school believe humans are at their best when removed from material things. So poor people are not attached to their possessions and they feel other needy people's pain so they give. Also women are beautiful inside (whatever that means) when we focus on them as a person and not their physical beauty. Be that as it may, I'm happiest when I'm giving, pretty girls are conceited, "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” Matthew 19:24. And beauty is a curse... When its all said and done, this too is chasing after the wind and vexation of the spirit.